Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Dream On


I found this among some of my old writings... if I had to guess, I'd say this happened about a year ago:

Man, I had a fucked up dream Thursday night. Very rarely do I ever remember my dreams after I wake up... but this one was kind of hard to forget…

As usual, only hazy glimpses of the entire story remain but what I do remember is that I was in my childhood room back at my parents house in Peace River with a hot alien babe. Yes, I said a hot ~~alien~~ babe. She wasn’t alien in the sense that she was a foreigner from another country… but alien in the sense that she was from another planet!

Now, for all intents and purposes she appeared 100% human. Actually, she had an extremely attractive human appearance… very well proportioned, if you know what I mean. She reminded me of Carmen Electra, so of course nobody would have been able to tell she was an alien at first glance.

Then how did I know she wasn't an Earthling?

Well, as I said, we were in my room back in Peace River. We started making out (oh yes, for some reason I’m dreaming about making-out with attractive extraterrestrials) and when I stopped for a moment to look into her eyes, which appeared entirely human, her pupils suddenly expanded! They got so big that the iris was entirely black. It was only a momentary flash, having the appearance of an uncontrollable reflex. Naturally, this was quite alarming but I didn't want to ruin our make-out session so I asked her as casually and nonchalant as I could: “So, what’s the deal with your eyes?”

Her response to me (obviously a fabrication) was that when she was a young girl, she had stepped on a frog with her bare foot. That's it... and for some strange reason I was supposed to believe this was why her pupils behaved the way they did. In the dream, it made perfect sense...

However, I knew she was lying. I knew the real reason was because she was an alien… I don't know how I knew, other than her strange eyes, but somehow I just knew she wasn't from Earth. I acted as though I accepted her explanation without question though. Nothing else was mentioned but she knew that I knew she wasn’t human; and I knew that she knew I knew she wasn't human... yet we both just continued to make-out until my parents called me for dinner.

At this point I get up from my bed and head upstairs. Perhaps she was following me to dinner, perhaps she vanished; I don't really know. As I get upstairs, I pass by the kitchen and see both of my parents over the stove cooking dinner and my brother getting something out of the fridge. The thing that really stood out however (if making out with an alien isn't odd enough) is that an obscure dark man I did not, or could not, recognize was sitting at our kitchen table in my dad's chair; nobody other than pops ever sat there. He looked angry and extremely out of place but since everyone else was acting normal, I ignored this peculiarity and went into the bathroom to wash up for dinner...

... and then... I woke up. Late for work.

It was one of the oddest dreams that I can remember but hey, this alien was a gorgeous blonde with a nice tan and a big natural rack… I wasn’t going to argue or question anything. And no, I didn’t get to 3rd base so I have no idea what kind of parts, alien or human, she might have had down there. Damn.

I guess that’s what I get for watching UFO documentaries right before bed.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I Still Love Watching TV


"While hypnosis may be considered an extreme or unusual solution to certain conditions, it only takes 30 seconds for us to be in a similar state when we switch on the television. Such were the findings from Professor Herbert Krugman in a study conducted in 1971. His conclusion was that we do not think about the information transmitted via television."

"It is regarded as one of the best types of control mechanisms by the General Secretary of the Prison Governors' Association. Prisoners are subjected to the tranquillizing effects of television which subdues behavior."

Friday, June 18, 2010

Television PROGRAMS

Homer: So, Marge, ready for another episode of "Don't Go There"?

Marge: I'm tired of that show. But I've been hearing good things about "Talk to the Hand". Tom Shales says the writing "snaps, crackles, and pops"!

Homer: Okay, whatever takes my mind off my life.

[the TV comes on and the sitcom begins with a theme song]

Female Singers: Talk to the hand, the face ain't listening ...

Lisa: [overly romantic] Hey, look what I found! [Marge turns the TV off] Grandpa's old radio. Oh, wouldn't it be grand to gather 'round and have a listen?

Homer: Well turn something on! I'm starting to think!